In part I of a two-part series, we examine what it takes to become a truly awful candidate. Or, if you prefer, here’s how to learn from the (very) silly mistakes which other job seekers have made.

The creative writer

Ric Nilson, senior consultant, Manpower Professional, recalls a candidate who wasn’t quite what he seemed. “He had applied for a role as a business banker. His resume fitted the job description perfectly, his follow-up phone call was enthusiastic and his phone manner polished, so I looked forward to a positive first interview.”

It didn’t quite work out that way. “The problem I discovered in the interview was that his whole resume was a fraud. His degree in creative writing was a bit of a giveaway, but I was still surprised. Perhaps his approach reflects his impressions of what it takes to be a banker. If this is the case, then obviously the banks have some repair work to do.”

The CV shrinker

Some resumes are just far too short. In Australia, banks like to see details but not a thesis, according to Ben Shields, manager, banking & financial services, Ambition. Candidates should aim for about four pages, rather than squeezing all their experience into only one or two.

“But if you've had several years' experience, then show details of the last five to eight years, and just summarise experience prior that. If banks want to know more details, it’s a great opportunity for them to meet you and ask those questions,” says Shields.

The nervous wreak

“I can remember an accounting candidate who unfortunately lacked the verbal skills he needed to get his points across. He did well in his initial interview with us before we arranged for him to meet our client. Perhaps he was nervous, but at the interview he seemed to lose his verbal communication ability, and instead resorted to drawing complex diagrams in his notebook to explain his role to the interviewer. Needless to say, there wasn't a second interview,” says Kevin Jarvis, associate director of Robert Half.

The question dodger

These candidates might as well turn up to an interview with "I've got something to hide" printed on their shirt. If you dodge a question, the other person will simply get suspicious.

Answer interview questions honestly, directly and keep to the point, says Jane McNeill, senior regional director of Hays Banking. “Everyone present will be focusing their attention on you, so clouding your answer with jargon, or evading the issue will be more obvious than you think. If you aren't certain about a particular question, don't be afraid to ask if it can be rephrased.”

The phone fanatic

McNeill tells a terrible tale: “Recently, a candidate put his mobile phone on the desk on arrival at an interview. When it rang, he asked the interviewer to wait while he went outside the office and argued with his girlfriend. When he returned, he continued to answer the interviewer’s question as if nothing had happened, making no apology for his actions.”

Read some more stories about stupid job seekers next week in part II.